Lately I'm not gonna lie, I've been down about where we've been at in life. To all appearances we have it all together. Eric's got a great job, we just got a good house, we have great neighbors....we're living the suburban good life. But is this how we were meant to live? Is this what God's plan was for us?
I love Switchfoot and always have. I feel like right now so many of their songs speak to where I am at right now. One that comes to mind is,"Meant to Live". I picked an acoustic version to share with you because I love how raw songs are in the acoustic form stripped from the glitz and glamour. Take a Listen:
In this suburban life, I feel lost. I feel like it's not how I was "meant to live" and it's been troubling me. So much so that I've felt like taking a drive and continuing to go. The other day I had to get out of the house because pregnancy hormones and life was getting me emotional and I needed to just drive. To get out of my suburban surroundings, get into the country, sing some songs, say some prayers and listen to what God would have me do next.
As I was crying, singing and driving (maybe not the best combo) I came across a sign for a church I had on my radar for a while. Now I wasn't anywhere near this church's campus so I didn't know this sign was going to appear. It turns out they started a church plant closer to my house. I've been looking at and thinking about this church ever since we were with MAF and thinking about churches to speak at. Then when we moved up here I was thinking about checking out the church yet never did. I followed the sign prayed for some clarity on whether I was to go to this church on Sunday with Eric, I felt very strongly that this was where we were supposed to be on Sunday.
So we went to the main campus and sat in the rows and I prayed and prayed that God would speak to us and show us what we're to do. I've felt lost and wandering in my own wilderness ever since we moved up here. I've felt without direction, without a plan and feeling quite off with this lifestyle. You know how some people can picture themselves growing up, growing a family and living in a house and doing ministry in some place for a while? I haven't got that long vision here yet. So as I sat down with Eric I prayed and tried to hold back the wishful tears and to let God speak to us. Any boy did He. :)
I didn't know what the pastor was going to talk about on Sunday. I really had no clue other than I felt we needed to be there on Sunday. We sang some songs and sat down to listen to the pastor talk. He talked about being stuck, about wandering around aimless in the wilderness without a final goal. He said what is the point of taking the journey if you have no destination? I began to think about our journey with MAF and what a journey it's been thus far. All the hard work we've poured into classes and training and then to have it cut short because we hadn't done enough preparation. I thought about how that was our goal ever since we met and though we hadn't really given up on it, we had settled for this lifestyle and trying to find a new goal. The pastor talked about how the enemy wants to tear us apart and do everything to keep us from doing what God has called us to do.
It took quite the strength to not cry at that moment. I just felt like God was speaking to us through the pastor, or at least speaking to me about not giving up on our goal of serving overseas. God placed this desire on our hearts for a reason. God didn't just accidentally tell us that we were supposed to be involved in overseas missions somehow. He gave us a goal, it was our job to not settle or give in, but to press on towards that goal.
After church service I talked with Eric. I wasn't sure how he felt about the church or what the pastor had said. I didn't want to lead him to think about anything, so I didn't give him my opinion first. I asked his opinion first on the church, then on what the pastor had said. I was excited to hear that God did speak to Eric too at this church and reminded him to keep on working towards that goal of serving overseas with missions.
We do believe that everything has happened for a reason. We feel that right now, this is where we're supposed to be and this is the house we are supposed to be in. We know that this job is the one Eric is supposed to be working at and this area is where God wants us right now. So we are content in that. We can see how God has worked in us and given us opportunities here to reconnect with family and make new friends. This is a stop along the path in our journey to missions, a small hill to climb if you will.
There will be many small hills to climb along the way as we continue to prepare ourselves and our hearts for missions overseas. But we won't give up on that dream, that calling. We may end up serving in the same way we had planned, or in a different way. It may be three years from now, five years from now or more. That's all up to God. It's up to us to do our part to prepare for the battle God has called us to do.
We ask that you continue to pray for our family and pray for God to continue to give us clarity on the next steps in our life and journey. We will try our best to keep you updated as we go.
In keeping with my Switchfoot theme, I wanted to share with you another song that has been a theme in my life, "Dare you to Move". Again, I share this in the acoustic version because I feel it's powerful without the gimmicks. I want to encourage you to think about where you are in life as well, and "Dare you to move" and not be stagnant or settle for anything less than God's best for your life.